Musings on going solo: the upside to loneliness

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This summer, my roommate Hannah spent a month in Nepal, leaving me and the cat the apartment to ourselves. While Moonie straight up has overly-attached-child syndrome (she yowls at the door, waits at the window, insists that I cuddle her all night when her mom isn't home, and suddenly develops picky eating habits...), I also find myself feeling a little anxious when it's just me and the cat for extended periods of time. My roomie & I do get along really well, and while we spend a lot time together (duh, we live in the same house), we aren't joined at the hip and lead very different lives, often going days without crossing paths.

When I got back from a long weekend earlier this summer, I was in the apartment without Hannah or Moonie for a few days, and oddly enough, that felt less uncomfortable than being here alone with Moonie. It got me thinking what is so bad about spending time alone? Though I'm an extrovert in every sense of the term, I tend to spend a lot of time on my own, doing homework, cooking, wasting my paycheck at Trader Joe's, and most importantly, relaxing. I LOVE spending time with my friends, sending letters and making skype calls, but it all really drains me. Talking out my feelings is how I decompress, but when I engage myself in some physical activity or another, I create a medium of happiness for myself, and I find I like doing these kinds of things on my own.

So how does a pining cat change my feelings about alone time into loneliness? Maybe it's the cat lady cliche that physically looks me in the eye when she demands to be fed. Or maybe Moonie reminds me that there should be someone else at home - that something is inherently "off" when Hannah isn't here. I don't know if I have the answer to that question, or if I ever will, but I've been slowly learning to embrace lonely times.

How? For starters, loneliness requires the absence of things that are good in your life - like your best friend, or that wonderful old Indian lady at the 7-11 who makes jokes about getting fat every time you buy ice cream from her. If I never have a chance to miss them, how could I see the impact they have on my life and happiness? Loneliness thus gives me a chance to practice and reflect on gratitude in my life, and see the good in people I may not recognize otherwise. When Vijaya from 7-11 works a different shift than when I usually come in, her absence during my midnight snack run lets me see the warmth she's shown me in her presence. I may never have realized how much Vijaya makes my evening if I never felt lonely buying my junk food without her commentary and laughter.

Loneliness also allows us to see our own strength. When I feel lonely, I don't feel confident, or see my worth. But getting through these bouts of loneliness requires great inner strength, and if I never felt lonely, when would I  get a chance to see how I am able to pull myself up?

I'm not a masochist - I don't enjoy being lonely or derive pleasure from being miserable, but loneliness in inevitable in the human experience, and learning to embrace positive pieces of it makes being lonely much more bearable.

How do you work through loneliness? What do you think about how the world we live in today shapes our experiences with loneliness? Are we more or less lonely as a society than our parents' generation? Let me know below - this is an idea I'd love to explore more in a further post.